[Updated Bracket Available Here.]

First Call/Reveille

Pinot Noir

Be seated.

I want you to remember that no Bâtard won a war dying for his country.  He won it by making the other poor, dumb Bâtard die for his country.

People, all this stuff you’ve heard about Pinot Noir not wanting to fight this war is a pile of horse dung.  Pinot traditionally loves to fight.  All Pinot loves the sting of high-density planting.

When Pinot was just a cutting, it admired other grapes.  It wanted aromatics.  It wanted finesse.  It wanted acidity.  It wanted structure.  It wanted to grab the heart of anyone near it and hold on for life.  Real wine drinkers love a winner and will not tolerate a loser.  That’s why I’m telling you to that Pinot Noir has never lost and will never lose a war.

The very thought of losing is hateful to Pinot.  An appellation is a team.  It grows, trains, sprays and harvests as a team.  This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap in war, but it’s everything in a vineyard.  We’re not just going to plant ourselves in that alluvial loam, we’re going to force our roots right into the sub-strata.  Then we’re going to carve Pinot’s initials right into the mind of every Johnny-Syrah and Charlie-Cabernet out there. We’re going to crush those lousy Riesling grapes by the bushel!

Now some of you boys and girls, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken out.  You think you’ll side with Riesling.  Don’t worry about it.  I can assure you that you’ll all do your duty.

Riesling is the enemy.  Wade into them.  Spill their juice, destem them at the peduncle.  When you stick your hand into a pile of goo that was once your own cluster… you’ll know what to do.

Now here’s another thing I want you to remember.  I don’t want to get any messages saying we are holding our position.  We’re not holding anything, we’ll let the Weisser Heunisch do that.  We are advancing constantly - modernizing, improving hygiene, choosing better clones, sites, and rootstocks.  We’re not interested in holding on to anything except the enemy: we’re going to hold onto him by the nose, and we’re going to kick him in the Assmannhausen.  We’re going to press the hell out of him without a soft-bladder, and then we’re going to go through him like foie gras through a goose!

Now, there’s one thing that you folks will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, ‘How did you vote in the great Marc Madness?’ You won’t have to say, ‘Well, I shoveled marc in Niagara.’

Alright now, you heavily mutated vinifera, you know how I feel.  I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That’s all. (Joel)

See Jonathan Wilson’s defense for Riesling at Labeled.ca.

[Complete Bracket to Date]

[Final Four Bracket Only]

Economy

I’ve heard some of you out there talking about the fact that you can’t get good, cheap Nebbiolo.  No, you’re right.  Do you know why?  Because we want to create a better wine culture.  We don’t want to be known for $10 wine, or even $20 wine.  Nebbiolo creates a better wine, and deserves to be rewarded for that.  You know our motto, “Quality, not quantity”.  We are much above $8 red wine.  The growers of Nebbiolo put the time, quality and effort in, and their product speaks for itself.  The other parties complain that Nebbiolo’s wines are too expensive, and we are not considering the impoverished persons’ need for wine. However, WE WILL NOT LOWER OUR STANDARDS!

Environment

In Nebbiolo’s home of Piedmont, perfect growing conditions  are unaffected by the by-products of industry. Nebbiolo will not be grown on just any old soil.  It needs calcareous marl to really shine, and with your help, Wine IS our industry, so the only thing polluting the air is the cherry, rose and tar aromas our wines give off.

Health Care

Tannin has been proven to be beneficial to a person’s health.  The wines of Nebbiolo have more tannin than a 10-bag teapot.  Our wines are natural, with no additives to corrupt your health you work so hard to maintain.  The Nebbiolo Party believes that funding to keep our grapes healthy should come from both local governments, and private companies to ensure the larger growers have access to premium service, but at the same time, the smaller growers still have access to funding.

Social Justice

The Nebbiolo Party has been very outspoken about the tainted way some of the other parties do business.  We have demanded that Gallo, the bureaucrat responsible for selling fake Pinot Noir, be terminated immediately.  However, the Pinot Noir party continues to keep many shady characters like Gallo close to them, and depend on them to sell their wines.  The wines of Nebbiolo do not require the addition of illegal narcotics to improve them.  Those parties not standing up for natural wine should not be even considered.  We have made a commitment that some of our growers would begin to make wines more approachable in their youth to appease more of you, the voter.  We look after everyone.

Nationalism

Nebbiolo is, has been, and forever will be, one of the proudest grapes you will ever taste. We thrive in Piedmont, like nowhere else in the world.  We are not like the other parties who will simply grow in the land of the highest bidder.  I’ve witnessed voters arguing about the true home of Pinot Noir.  Burgundy? Champagne? Russian River? Oregon?   How many times have you ever had to ask about the true home of Nebbiolo.  Never.  As loyal as a golden retriever.  Nebbiolo is proud of its upbringing, and will always be Italy’s first choice.  Pay no attention to the minor players of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Syrah that have began to pop up nearby Nebbiolo’s home. They weren’t even fortunate enough to have your trust.  You voted them out of their office, and rightfully so.  You do not want deceit, you want quality.  Italy’s grape will always be Nebbiolo.  We have never ever let you down, and we never will.

Vote for a better wine-drinking tomorrow.  Vote for refinement.  Vote for the loyal grape.  Vote Nebbiolo (Jonathan)

Economy

“Traditional Wisdom, Bold Directions”

The Pinot Noir Party believes that all income brackets should have a fair shake.  And yes, we may pick you up and shake you so that all of your change jingles to the ground.  (That’s because we know what’s best for you. )  Low- and mid-income demographics are becoming a significant segment of our votership, and we’ll continue to appeal to as wide an audience as possible.

Environment

“Green Light Means Go”

We’re very big on the environment.  In an ideal world, all of our producers would get back to nature; many of our top voices have instituted biodynamic practices!  Our party vows to always subsidize limestone-based, easterly-sloping vineyards of marginally cool, continental climates.  However, we’re open to exploring and funding New regions across the world with our “No Vineyard Left Behind” program.  We’d like to think of ourselves as inclusive.  We also like pine cones.

Health Care

“Conscious Choices, Caring Voices”

We’ve always believed a healthy smile is the start to all good relationships: so wouldn’t you want a wine that traditionally didn’t raze your mouth with tannins?  While we can’t vouch for all Pinot Party members, when placed beside other candidates, we hope we’ll be a shade more tolerable.  Otherwise, we’re strong believers in resveratrol!  Though not typically invested in procyanidin (heart-friendly compounds often present in tannin-rich, Mediterranean-climate wines), we occasionally bend the rules to allow for a 15% supplement.

Social Justice

“Protection for Your Children”

Many of our bottles, if incarcerated, may apply for early release.  Pinot Party Members advise extended time in-cellar, but only if the individual is being particularly belligerent.  Most who show good behaviour are able to exit early with decanting/rehabilitation.

Nationalism

“One Grape, Many Voices”

We’re proud to support multiviticulturalism, but absolutely beam with joy when we consider our place in Canada.  Support has been overwhelming.  The fact that we’ve been able to share our message with vocal supporters in the Cote d’Or, Champagne, Central Otago, Willamette Valley - as well as the rest of the USA, Austria, Germany, South Africa, Australia, Chile - means we’ve got a good thing going on.  Add to it our healthy genetic diversity via countless clones and the decision is easy.

Vote for the grape that the U.N. can get behind — the grape of Sideways and romance — the grape of the future.  Vote: Pinot Noir.  (Joel)

White Wine Matches at Labeled.ca!

DISCLAIMER: The preceding images are not intended as political commentary.  We do not publicly endorse any parties, nor wish to discredit any government organizations.  We do not wish to influence Federal Election votes. The parodied logos are strictly intended for wine-education and entertainment purposes, and have no commercial benefit to the authors.

Submitted for your approval…

Voting begins tomorrow on Twitter with the hashtag, #marcmad!

If you’re so inclined to make a Twitter-Avatar in support of a party early…

Nebbiolo Party

Pinot Noir Party

Chardonnay Party

Riesling Party

Check back Tuesday at Writersblanc.ca for Nebbiolo vs. Pinot Noir.  Wednesday, Labeled.ca will host Chardonnay vs. Riesling.

Final showdown Thursday.  Twitter Tasting with the victor, Friday.

May the best grape win.

DISCLAIMER: The preceding images are not intended as political commentary.  We do not publicly endorse any parties, nor wish to discredit any government organizations.  We do not wish to influence Federal Election votes. The parodied logos are strictly intended for wine-education and entertainment purposes, and have no commercial benefit to the authors.

[Updated Bracket Available Here!]

Follow White Wine Matches at Labeled.ca.

2.  Pinot Noir

A: All right, look man.  I need this score.  I was up all night with the shakes.

B: Hey, hey, relax.  It’s cool.  I got what you need.

A: Quit messin’ with me and show me!

B: I can do that, but you need to calm down.  We don’t want to create a scene.  Why are you scratching yourself like that?

A: Nobody followed me.  You’re safe.  I’m clean.  But do we have a deal?

B: You wanted 2 bottles of the Henri Gouges Chaines-Carteaux 1er Cru, and 2 bo-

A: No! It was Les Chaignots 1er Cru!

B: Easy, easy, I’m just playing with ya.

A: But this is my LIFE you’re talking about!  This isn’t some game!  I haven’t slept since last time.

B: You still haven’t paid me for last time…

A: I’ll get you the money man, I told you I’m good for it.

B: Good intentions don’t pay the bills.  You gotta ease up for your own good.

A: How can I do that? You give me Volnay Les Caillerets and it’s under my skin.  Then you set me up with an AC Morey-St-Denis.  Got a different rush.  ‘Oh, it’s not that expensive,’ you say, ‘Anyone can afford it.’

B: Yeah, so?  I turned you onto some good juice.

A: I didn’t realize I’d get this hooked.  Next thing you know, I’m downing Pommard and gettin’ hit with Chambolle-Musigny.  Blew me away.

B: Nothing like a good Burgundy high.

A: And then you go and get me cranked off Chambertin!

B: Don’t get angry at me!  You wanted Gevrey but I knew you couldn’t handle that weak commune stuff anymore!  Look at you!  You can’t even stand straight anymore.  Have you been out hand-harvesting again?  You got this hippie goatee and spoutin’ off about moon phases– you smell like a barn, like a damned pig! I’ll hook you up, but you need to take a long look in the mirror before you start juicing again.

A: … What can you get me for $20?

B: How about a Paul Garaudet AC Bourgogne?

A: I’ll take it.

B: Fine… but take care of yourself.  I hate to see ya end up like this.  Lotta people think they can handle this juice, but it’s real.

A: That’s why I keep coming back, isn’t it? (Joel)

6. Cabernet Franc

I am sick of hearing about Pinot Noir.  Straight up.  I am sick of people telling me how thin-skinned, temperamental and finicky it is, and that’s why it is great. Those aren’t great things!  Those are the qualities of someone like George Costanza or Larry David.  And look at them.  NO ONE likes them.

Only in the wine world would terms like temperamental and high-maintenance be good things.  In the real world folks, those are called insults.  Those are terms I use to describe ex-girlfriends, not people I want to have around me at all times.  Pinot Noir IS that ex-girlfriend, now that I think about it.  Self-absorbed, unable to accept constructive criticism, and about as loyal as Wilt Chamberlain.  You can put all of your heart, time and money into Pinot Noir, and it will rip your heart out as it laughs at you.  It will blame you for the failure, too.  It can’t accept that it was the one that let you down.  Why?  Because all of her friends are supporting her.  “Oh, Pinot honey.  He wasn’t right for you.  I mean, he bought the most expensive real-estate in the world for you, put all that money into a new cottage for you, and took care of you everyday.  Anyone like that clearly has too much time on his hands.  What a jerk.  He doesn’t realize that you are delicate.  He gave you just one day too many in the California sun.”  So,  just when you thought you were going to have a relationship worthy of Clos Vougeot, you are stuck with something more reminiscent of Two Buck Chuck.  That’s what Pinot Noir does to you.

Cabernet Franc is the girl you always wanted to be with.  Think about it.  Beautiful body.  Perfect integration of perfume and sweet vanilla aromas, without being overpowering.  She won’t make you spend a fortune on her, she is glad to have you.  She appreciates you for seeing what she is all about, and not being caught up in the hype of that floozy, Pinot Noir.  She loves beef.  How many lovely ladies do you know that will sit there with you and tackle a filet mignon with the greatest of ease?  She isn’t too acidic, although, she can have her moments, like all of us.  She can be a little green, but that’s just because she is shy.  When you coax her a bit and show her that you truly love her, she opens up.  Ooooooh baby does she open up.  And if you’re worried about whether she will age well?  I’m talkin’ Christie Brinkley.  Diane Lane.  Yeah.  You will be fine.  And you know she will raise your kids right.  I mean look at Cabernet Sauvignon!

Cabernet Franc is a beautiful lady that deserves your full attention.  She is super sweet (like her icewine vivacious, and loves it here in Canada.  Pinot Noir will break your heart because that’s indeed, what skanks do.  Vote for a loyal, smokin’ hot lady.  Vote Cabernet Franc.  (Jonathan)

Jonathan and I hammered out the Official Rules.

These will surely come in handy if Cabernet Franc/Merlot turns into the next Syrah/Nebbiolo.

1. Votes tweeted @jonathanwil or @writersblanc will count, but we’ll be guaranteed to see it if you use the #marcmad hashtag.
2. One vote per real-world person.  We love the ability to reach more of your followers through multiple-accounts, but only one vote counts.  ‘Duplicate’ votes that slip through will be revoked.  We’re asking for the honour system (as good Canadians do).
3. Encouraging new friends to play = good! Getting people to RT blindly = not so good.  The game’s about engaging people to think/talk about wine.  It’s cool that an RT will share us with more people, but those votes will not count.
4. Voting ends at 11PM EST / 8PM PST nightly.  If the score is particularly close - close enough that human error may be present - we will extend voting until a ‘clear winner emerges.’  (Must be defined by either a reasonable amount of votes and/or gap in real-time votes. Jonathan and I will consult each other on the tough calls.)
5. End of Play: We’re revoking the “Sudden Death/Xylella Fastidiosa” option.  It’s fun, but more people can join in the fun by giving true extra minutes.
6. Final Buzzer: A declaration tweet by either @jonathanwil or @writersblanc will end the match. Better hope one of us isn’t working that night.

It’s easy to get carried away with our passion for these games. Remember: it’s about having fun.  This was just meant to be a simple online distraction and conversation starter.  The turnout is tremendous and the more voices we have, the harder it’ll be to please everyone - but we want EVERYONE to have a voice.

Keeping that voice positive and playful makes it easier all around.

[Updated Bracket Available Here!]

Follow White Wine Matches at Labeled.ca.

2. Pinot Noir

It’s early - still Round 2 - but I’ll make my intentions clear: I will vote Pinot Noir over everything else for the rest of the tournament.  If the Red Conference Final is Cabernet Sauvignon vs. Pinot Noir, I may not even write anything for Cabernet Sauvignon and talk about what a beautiful grape Pinot Noir is.

As a terroir-driven wine, Pinot moves people in religious ways… more than the Benedictine and Cistercian monks who graciously developed, studied, and classified Burgundy’s vineyards.  It moves winemakers to travel the world over, learning its intricacies.  It moves sommeliers to tears upon tasting that impossible chiasma of bouquet, balance and brooding scope.  And, perhaps most significantly, it moves ordinarily rational, wealthy folks to empty their wallets for a sniff of the top crop.

We’ll explore more next round.  This is a slam dunk.  Give me Pinot or give me death. (Joel)

7. Sangiovese

When you first started drinking wine, who was there for you at bargain prices?  That’s right.  Chianti.  The straw fiasco holding that wonderful jug of juice just waiting for your spaghetti.  What grape was, and continues to be the driving force of that Chianti?  That’s right, sangiovese.  THE grape responsible for getting people into wine right.  I can personally say that many of my intro wines were Chiantis, and look at me now!  I mean come on.  Marc Madness is the biggest thing since syrah!  Too soon, syrah lovers?

Nebbiolo has already proved that Italian grapes are here to stay.  They are the underdogs that should be favourites.  They have always been there for you, and they always will.  Don’t give me that bunk about pinot noir making better premium wines.  Bull.  No wait.  Bunk.  I like that one.  Drink some of the world’s best Brunello di Montalcino and then see if you can even remember how to say peeeeeenooooo nuuuuuwawr.  Brunello isn’t your thing somehow?  Odd, but ok.  How about a little Tiganello?  Yep.  80% sangiovese.

Food?  You are really bringing up food?  Fine.  If you want to eat duck and mushrooms for the rest of your life, go with pinot noir.  If you want to lead a life of Italian cheese, pasta, meat and various delicacies, vote for the wonderfully fruity, dry, acidic and balanced wines of sangiovese.  Really?  You’re going to bring food into a debate against an indigenous Italian grape?  Poor form.  If you want to make your vote count, vote for the the combined king and queen of Italy.    Yeah that’s right.  Both sides of the royal union.  Power, structure, and a demand for respect combined with a delicate finesse that smells like sweet, sweet cherry trees. Vote sangiovese. (Jonathan)

[Updated Bracket Available Here.]

White Wine Matchups @ Labeled.ca!

4. Syrah

P. Galet: Good day and welcome to this, the Second Round of the 2011 Marc Madness Tournament proudly broadcast on VSPN. I’m your host, P. Galet, and I’m live on the sidelines with the parents of one of today’s stars. Mondeuse Blanche and Dureza, you must be very proud of little Syrah.

Mondeuse Blanche: Hey hey, now, don’t you call him little. He gets mixed up with his son Petit Sirah all the time.

Dureza: At the store, in the restaurant, even at our last dinner party the guests were sitting around the table and they couldn’t tell them apart! But then I said, look, if you want grace mixed with power, you’ll only find it with our boy.

MB: Now D, be nice, we’re not trying to make enemies in the family. Mr. Galet, it’s hard to live up to your parents’ expectations. Syrah did things we never dreamed of.

PG: Let me set the stage for our viewers at home. Syrah came to fame virtually overnight in the ’90s, is that correct?

D: Popular opinion, I suppose. But that was during his “Shiraz” phase.

MB: He still does that some nights, when we go out…

D: Yes, and I worry. But being Shiraz got him to where he is today, so it can’t be all bad, honey. The Australians barely exported anything before the 1980s. But they focused themselves internationally and the world fell in love with our little guy–

MB: Don’t call him little, honey.

D: Ah- as I was saying, the exports increased tenfold in the late 80s, and again in the 90s. Those Australians always speak so well of Shir– I’m sorry, Syrah.

PG: Can you tell me when you knew he was destined for great things?

MB: Cote-Rotie, easily. Although I guess Hermitage was-

D: Hermitage was always my favourite, Mr. Galet. Mondeuse Blanche and I always have this discussion. Sometimes we can’t sleep because we just debate it all night long! Ha ha ha– isn’t that every parent’s dream? To have to argue over which of their child’s accomplishments is most significant?

PG: I can see your pride beaming, ma’am. But you sir, why the long face? It’s not because of the rumours–

MB: I’ll stop you right there, P. We get 50 phone calls a day from the speculators.

PG: But surely our audience is aware that public support for Syrah has been slipping; that the Australian markets are in turmoil; his star isn’t as bright as it once was.

MB: You want to talk impact? Rhone exports are up 12% versus 2009 — don’t talk to me about Syrah slipping!

D: Yes, we had some concern - don’t mind MB, he’s just being protective. We’re just putting the past behind us and looking forward to the future. Public awareness of Rhone wines has brought us back to a very good place. Perhaps this tournament is JUST what Syrah needs to get back to his best!

PG: Well, there you have it folks, two proud parents of Syrah ready for an exciting match. In pregame, Syrah was spotted wearing his inky-black-purple uniform; Nebbiolo was warming up in traditional pale-ruby-brick apparel. Oh! And they’re about ready for the coin toss. No wait, the referee doesn’t have a coin, he has a $100 bill. I suppose a coin won’t get them much wine with either of these grapes! Let’s watch the action. (Joel)

5. Nebbiolo

Imagine you had to break the news to the entire population of Piedmont, Italy that their precious grape that has made them more famous then they ever imagined was an underdog to the same grape that makes Yellowtail’s top product.  For shame.  I won’t be a part of this.  I am going to do everything I can to ensure that this “upset” happens right here, right now.

Nebbiolo makes some of the world’s best wines on its own.  Not combined with grenache or mourvedre as is the case with some Chateauneuf-du-papes, or with cabernet sauvignon as is the case with Grange, and it certainly doesn’t need viognier to make it any more aromatic like some Cote-Roties.  Nebbiolo stands alone.  All of those aromas of cherry, roses, violets, herbs, truffles, tar, tobacco.  Yeah.  Hans Solo baby.

Nebbiolos wines are monsters when in their best forms, Barolo and Barbaresco, however they have the versatility factor from wines like Carema, Langhe, and Gattinara.  Come on.  What more do you need?  The world’s best wines with the aging capacity of Methuselah, and others as approachable in their youth as Hayden Panettiere.  Too far?  No.  No analogy is too far when describing the wines of nebbiolo.  If you want to live the rest of your life without wines like Barolo and Barbaresco, then so be it.  Enjoy your “shiraz”.  Yeah, I said it.  Syrah is just the name that people try to use so that they don’t think about what they are really drinking.  Does that happen with Barolo?  Not on your life.  Vote nebbiolo. (Jonathan)

1. Cabernet Sauvignon

Nobody said that this decision would be easy. Is Tempranillo meant to unseat The King?

If it does, it will be through Cabernet’s weaknesses exposed by overproduction. That’s no reason to chastise royalty.

King Cab the First did not inherit his crown. Instead, he earned it with vivacious acidity, durable weight, prescient concentration, holistic complexity, and simply stunning fruit. The precision and aromatic supremacy of currants, blackberries, and menthol should move mankind to war, were it threatened.

Imagine the burden placed on King Cab the Second as he surveyed the busts of his predecessors in the ‘1855’ Pantheon. Moving from his 1^er Cru chateaux to the New World wasn’t easy. Some called it a [Stags] Leap of Faith. And yet he won popular opinion and lifted Napa, nay, California up to the world.

And when the fallow, meagre hands of new land extend to him, he is gracious. His cuttings breathe new life into undiscovered terroir and familiar lands looking for ways to break tradition. A mere 5%-10% inclusion, listed on the bottle, encourages a young couple the chance to taste Priorat for the first time; it makes a Tuscan feel Super; it puts a spine into St-Emilion, and punch into Pomerol.

The King rules with dignity, humility, and benevolence.

The King rules, and we are witness to his eminence. (Joel)

8. Tempranillo

Rioja.  Is there any better word to say?  Ree-ohh-hcka as they say in Spain.  It evokes such emotion.  Just the word itself brings you to a simpler place where the world revolves around wine.  All day.  Everyday.  That’s how life is in Spain.  Eat.  Sleep.  Make Red Wine.  The source of that 3rd facet of life my friends, is Tempranillo.

The modest grape.  A grape you will rarely find on the front label of a wine bottle.  No, flashy and flamboyant is not the way tempranillo rolls.  No, it prefers to be just a simple part of Rioja, regardless of the fact that it sometimes constitutes 100% of the blend.  Tempranillo is happy to be involved with the making of some of the world’s best wines, made not just in Rioja, but as is the case of Vega Sicilia, in Ribeira del Duero.

With time, tempranillo acquires the appeal of Barolo on the nose, with the smooth, intoxicating mouthfeel of aged cabernet sauvignon.  The Spanish know their wines take time.  They don’t want you touching them until they are ready.  They don’t even trust you, the consumer, with the juices of their precious grape.  They value it so much, they keep it locked inside until they deem it ready.  That’s what tempranillo is about.  The patience to wait that 10 years for that Vega Sicilia, knowing that yes, the wait will be worth it, and that tempranillo finally gets its time to shine.  Vote for patience. Vote for elegance.  Vote tempranillo.  (Jonathan)